Slow Descent Into Madness


Before I suffered a psychotic episode I started seeing strange things which I believed were giving me instructions. 

I began to think that everyone was psychic and could hear my thoughts. I had a delusional belief that my brother in-law’s takeaway was actually mine. 

On a daily basis I would get a taxi without any money and travel miles away to the takeaway and confront my brother in-law and ask for the keys to the takeaway. 

A lot of taxi drivers in Oldham got to know what I was doing so it became hard for me to hail or call taxis as they had heard about me and would refuse to take me to the takeaway without showing them money first.

Visited By Social Workers 

At this point my family became very worried for me and didn’t know what to do. They contacted mental health services and made an appointment for me to see a doctor. 

I was visited at the family home by social workers but at the time they didn’t think I needed to be hospitalised. I went to see the doctor and was paranoid about him too; I accused him of being unqualified and a fake. 

“The police became involved and I remember running around and hiding in  various places in my local area.”

Unfortunately, I would get angry and shout at my family and they would call an ambulance for me. This happened a few times. 

I regret those days, my family didn’t do anything wrong, they just wanted what was best for me. 

At this point I started to travel to Sheffield to study for my MA in Journalism. The University of Sheffield is an elite university and I was lucky to get a place on the course.  It cost me £20 a day for train and bus fares to get to the university and back. 

I began taking money from family and the situation became critical when I began fighting random people on the street. There was a rumour that I was carrying a knife, which was untrue. 

Hunted By Police 

The police became involved and I remember running around and hiding in various places in my local area. 

There were at least two police vans that were searching for me and a large crowd had gathered. I managed to evade the police as I knew all the hidden places where they wouldn’t think to look.                                                                                     

I hid in the mosque from the police, but decided even in that paranoid state that I didn’t want to be the cause of police entering the mosque, so I sneaked out. 

After being chased for about 20 minutes I was finally caught. I remember being in an alley with a young police officer who seemed terrified. He pulled out his baton although I was unarmed and started screaming at me to lie face down on the ground, I complied and he then arrested me for public disorder. 

Being chased by police was scary.

I have never broken a law in my life and have never been hunted by police so this experience was horrendous. The police were only doing their job as they had been called because I was fighting with people. 

I remember how I felt at being hunted and eventually captured. It was a traumatic experience. 

Have you been arrested by the police while you were ill? How were you treated? 

Please comment below

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  1. You were studying a subject you have passion and talent for. I hope that you continue to pursue this through your blog and any other means open to you. Never give up on your dreams and do not let your flair go to waste. Some people spend years searching for what they are good at. You have found it so cherish it!

    Whyever these things happened in your life, your life went down a different route for a while. One that, from reading your work, it almost seems you should never have been down at all. Though you are surviving it and you cannot change your past, you are changing your own and others futures for the better. That takes real courage and admiration and well done to you.

    As a BAME male, it is a fact that you are more likely to be stopped by the police than white counterparts. The police have a job to do in the suspicion of and detection of crime and in acting on reports of crimes they had a duty to arrest you. Perhaps in that split second, the Police Constable genuinely felt if he did not ask you to lie down then you would become aggressive or violent as you were allegedly carrying a knife. But you were innocent and should have remained so until proven guilty.

    Your story, though unique of course, does illuminate that innocent until proven guilty goes out of the window for BAME men. I have sat in a car besides a BAME driver, driving home on the outskirts of a city, and seen how the police viewed the driver with suspicion and desperately wanted to pull this person over. On seeing myself as a white person in the front seat, and without a crime to question for, the three white officers quickly sped off. I have never suffered at the hands of police brutality, but I know that it happens. I have never been pulled over in my car, not just because it is taxed, with a valid MOT and insurance, but because I am white.

    I am not saying that BAME men should not uphold the rule of law and endeavour to do so. I am merely saying that BAME men should not be viewed with suspicion more so than white counterparts. If there are patterns of crime, it is the police’s job to investigate it and determine facts.

    Whilst we need to raise BAME aspirations, we cannot deny that the support system (or lack of) in health, education and training is failing. That has to change to eradicate these extreme inequalities.

  2. Reading this the first time, I couldn’t find the write words to say and still don’t. To know that even though this may not be a fond memory to remember. Your bravery to share parts of your own life is admirable and inspiring. You are a door for others to share their own stories and thoughts. Keep writing and keep inspiring ❤️

  3. JazakAllahu Khaira for being very frank about your traumatic experience. It must have been an extremely difficult time.

  4. Ameen! If Allah willed he could have put us in worse situations than that we were put in. The world is a very big place and the Muslim ummah is suffering greatly, and we feel their agony, you do too. You don’t need Google or youtube, you just need Allah and eemaan!

  5. Salam,

    This was very touching and hard to read. May Allah Ta’ala prevent any of the above happening to you again. Aameen.



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