Torture At The Hostel

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I spent about two more months on the acute ward and was eventually transferred to a hostel. It has closed now but it was called the Mayall Street Hostel. It was two terraced houses joined together with about ten bedrooms and five bathrooms. There were four members of staff who worked during the day and two who worked at night.

The staff were nice and didn’t really pressurise the residents to do any activities. They would support us to do our weekly shopping at the nearby Tesco. My routine became monotonous and involved taking medication and watching TV for about seven or eight a hours a day.

I didn’t really interact with other residents but I would speak to L who was mixed race, her mum was white and her father was Bangladeshi. We would both eventually end up on the acute ward in Oldham.

I spent five months like this and managed to watch all seven seasons of Star Trek Deep Space 9. I have been a big fan of Star Trek from a young age. My siblings and I used to love watching the original Star Trek with Captain Kirk and Spock.

I used to only eat when I became really hungry, I would go to the nearby chip shop and buy chips and cheese and onion pies almost every day.

I lived like this before I once again relapsed into psychosis. It started with hearing voices for the first time. It was scary and upsetting as the voice was abusive and cruel, constantly swearing at and demeaning me.

The voice spoke in my head constantly and I had no relief even when I slept as I had vivid nightmares. I wouldn’t wish the experience of hearing abusive voices on my worst enemy.

It would constantly tell me I should harm myself. They were dark and terrible times, my roommate A saw what I was doing but didn’t report it to staff.

I kept my secret torment to myself and no one knew about my self-harming apart from my roommate. My family would visit me regularly and my close friend Iman would come to see me on weekends. There was a disabled girl called N who shouldn’t really have been there as she couldn’t look after herself, once she went into my room and stole my wallet and mobile, but thankfully the staff found out and returned my belongings,

The staff realised I had relapsed and I was sectioned for the second time and I was sent to an acute ward in Rochdale as there were no beds available at the Oldham ward.  The police were involved and rammed me against the wall and handcuffed me when I tried to run away.

 Have you heard voices? What was it like when you first started to hear them?

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3 COMMENTS

  1. Yes there are some unique, amazing and strange people at hospital, but thinking positively, all people who have schizophrenia can actually relate better. They wouldn’t look down on you as they have similar problems. It’s easy to talk about your problems with a patient that with a psychiatrist or psychologist, as it actually feels like their listening, because they understand your pain mutually.

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  2. I think it’s good that you are able to remember these relapses clearly and look at them more objectively through your writing. This will help you to understand your own symptoms and ask for help sooner if it should even happen again.

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